The cloud coverage has settled itself in for the long autumn stay here in the 𝑷̲̅𝒂̲̅𝒄̲̅𝒊̲̅𝒇̲̅𝒊̲̅𝒄̲̅ 𝑵̲̅𝒐̲̅𝒓̲̅𝒕̲̅𝒉̲̅𝒘̲̅𝒆̲̅𝒔̲̅𝒕̲̅. The rain is dousing the ground with some much-needed replenishment. We have been mirroring much of the California weather as of late.
I’m here in my sunroom, following behind my one-year-old, feeling cloudy, physically weak, and in pain as my anxiety starts to rise slowly. I can feel it simmering at the top of my spine. Have you felt that before? I can feel the metal in my neck stiffening (definitely in my head), and my heart begins to race. As a working mom, I cannot afford to get sick. But here I am…
It has captured me, brutal, but also taunting, while it says “At least I’m not covid!”
The world shuts down, the house shuts down, my office shuts down. I am on an official sick day yet that means nothing in the Executive Realm.
I feel my phone vibrate in my front pocket while I tell my youngest son “No,” sternly while he attempts to dig in the dog’s bowel. My head pounds as I dip down to grab him and pick him up. So much is on my plate, that sometimes it’s hard to believe that one person can juggle so much yet keep a healthy state of mind. Of all the rituals that I adapt in my life to ensure I function in the best capacity as a mother who cares deeply about each child, as a wife that cares deeply about her husband, and as a woman who cares deeply about herself and her own needs, I feel like I can’t even get a day off to be sick and heal.
When has life and society become this way? The wealthy don’t ever feel this pressure. They feel pressure but that pressure is an overinflated ego who thinks that this is what they have to continue to do for a living to sustain their lifestyle. My pressure? Is to barely be able to enjoy the middle-class lifestyle. Woooo.
I go to my apothecary that my husband so lovingly made for me one year for my birthday. My oils are all labeled and categorized and I make sure to grab the best combinations to ensure I get over this cold as soon as possible for the sake of my children and my family. I break out every ritual I know to combat a cold/sinus infection. Does not help that my kids around me are also sick and my husband is becoming sick as well. We are all down for the count, so who cares for one another? Nope… The sick mom still manages to put everyone first while trying to care for herself as well.
I prep my one-year-old‘s room for the night, making sure he has air flowing and his humidifier is running with essential oils fumigating the air. I make sure his mattress is elevated to ensure congestion keeps itself at bay as much as possible. I rub him down with my special combo of oils, we say our prayers and sing our song and I kiss him good night. I come downstairs to my altar and just stand there with my eyes closed. I feel myself breathing and literally think of nothing.
My daughter walks in and grabs a glass of water from the kitchen which is across the way from where I stand. No doubt she looks over at me as I hear silence and then continues on her way as she has been accustomed to her mom doing odd things when she is looking inward.
I am thankful that my children have grown up with a very empathetic, spiritual mother who cares about the energies around her, including her own. I teach them about feelings, about other people’s feelings, about reading the energies in the room, about healing and forgiveness, and caring for yourself and your mind.
I light a candle and then sit down as my dog jumps on the couch looking for affection.
Regardless of anything, I am blessed and yes it could be worse. It could be Covid. Life can shut my mind down but we choose to let it continue to shut us down or we fight back and mentally grab ourselves up, push through the pain and find those rituals that will bring us back to our reality, to find the healing we need to sustain ourselves and our loved ones. We are blessed in this world. And even though life is hard today for me, I have such a beautiful life.