Adults Need to Learn

September 18, 2022

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Family comes first?

Many of us who have been there, know this phrase all too well. Many would follow with “yes”. But would that be true? Oh yeah. For many, they do put family first; but is that healthy? Is that right?

No. 

Let me explain.

Once I decided to become a mom, I had to —for a period— learn to share myself. Unfortunately, I was not brought up in a home where that was taught (as I’m teaching my kids). If we really stop to think about it, a lot of the problems we have are because we have never learned how to share ourselves with others. We either don’t at all or we do too much, thus putting ourselves last. Both extremes are extremely unhealthy and damaging to our lives.

I teach my clients how to find contentment (which they learn that is the key to happiness), and a big part of that journey involves them learning to share themself. Some I have to start from the ground up, where they always placed themself last. With others, they are way up here, above everyone else, and we have to work on bringing them back down. Regardless of the journey, accepting the reality and truth is what needs to come first.

Sharing ourselves is what brings up the love, happiness, and joy we seek.

It all started with my youngest, who actually helped me discover this truth years ago. He showed me that I needed to do two things: Love myself and share myself. Those where the two things I needed to change in order to bring peace back into my life since bringing him into my life. Before him, I had gotten so caught up with putting myself last, living for my family and not caring for my wellbeing. With him, I had to learn to find the balance; thus, the epiphany came.

Here I am with my youngest, lounging on our backyard trampoline, looking up at the sky and shapes of the clouds. He’s two so he doesnt talk my ear off like my 8 year old does, so theme moments are full of “Oooos” and “gaaahhhGAHHH!s”, and rough housing…..but they’re his moments.

One thing my wonderful husband and I have done since day one was be there for our children. Though we too need friends and “a life”, we realized early on that having healthy friendships as a healthy adult is rare, and when you have a family, the time you have to commit to that is even more rare. Therefore, our time has been committed to our children. They don’t know what it’s like to not have mom and dad around. They don’t know what it feels like to have dinner on the couch, or alone, or not together. They don’t know what it feels like to not have at least one parent home at all times during the work week. They don’t know what it feels like to not have a parent come in and pray/kiss them goodnight every night. They don’t know what it feels like to have to have a babysitter or grandparents for the weekends.

They have us. We share our lives together, all while caring for ourselves just as much.

Now you know. Now you’re half way there.

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